Aloha World

Today, I'm feeling like a failure. There. I said it. Why do I feel this way? Well, let me count the ways.

1. I can't keep my room clean. I'm an adult, but it looks like I still live in college.
2. I live paycheck to paycheck. I have bills out the wazoo, and I'm drowning in debt.
   
3. I can't lose the 25 pounds I've put on in the past 10 years. Just when I start to make some progress, I sabotage it by rewarding myself with food. Aside from the aesthetics, there are health concerns that are hereditary and I need to lose this weight. I am a stress-eater. This sucks because I am ALWAYS STRESSED OUT!
   
4. I've been screwing up at work and I think people are finally going to see what a fraud I am. I've been slacking off, and just shirking my responsibilities. I've lost interest and it's starting to show. Or is this my way of getting out? I do it all the time. Once I don't do something right, I run instead of facing it. I say "It's not what I want to do." But it's because I can't finish what I start. That is one of my faults. If I don't do it perfectly, I don't want to do it.
5. I don't have a career I love. I don't have kids yet.
6. I am a chronic procrastinator. I think this is the crux of my problem and I don't know how to fix it.

My few redeeming qualities? I am compassionate. I want to help people. I'll do almost anything for my family and friends. That's all I can think of. That's so sad. Oh, I've been told I have a great smile. This is still sad.

It's not going to help me if I just wallow in bed. You have no idea how badly I want to do that. So, today I had a good ugly cry and just try to hold on to the aloha. I wish I could go back to Hawaii.